Well, well, well, look at Bong Joon Ho, swinging for the sci-fi fences with Mickey 17, a $118 million Robert Pattinson-starring extravaganza that’s apparently too cool for a low budget like Parasite. According to the fine folks at Deadline, this bad boy’s hitting theaters with a global opening of $45 million. Cue the slow clap. For a movie that needs $240–300 million just to not be a financial dumpster fire, that’s the kind of debut that screams “participation trophy.” Welcome to the big leagues, Bong—hope you packed a parachute.
So, what’s the deal? Pattinson plays a space grunt who keeps dying and getting 3D-printed back to life like he’s stuck in a cosmic Kinko’s. Sounds like a blast, right? Except original sci-fi tends to draw crowds about as well as a PowerPoint on tax law. The target demo? Older dudes who probably think Arrival was “pretty neat.” Still, the U.S. is warming up, with tracking now hinting at a $20 million opening—up from “maybe teens, lol” territory. Progress! Someone get the confetti cannon.
The film’s sitting pretty at 85% on Rotten Tomatoes, with critics fawning over its third act like it’s the second coming of Inception. At 2 hours and 19 minutes with an R rating, it’s got that “we’re serious cinema” energy, complete with IMAX and Dolby flexes. Korea kicked things off with a $9 million debut—Pattinson’s best there yet, because apparently Twilight stans still have passports. Now it’s spreading to 66 markets, from the UK to China, aiming for a $25 million international splash across 28,500 screens. Ambitious? Sure. Realistic? Eh, we’ll see.
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Look, Bong’s a genius—Parasite turned $11 million into a $46 million profit while we all pretended to care about class warfare. But Mickey 17 isn’t some scrappy underdog; it’s a bloated beast that needs legs longer than a giraffe on stilts to survive. Word-of-mouth better be stellar, because $45 million against a $118 million price tag (post-UK tax credits, because of course) isn’t exactly a victory lap. Compare it to Alien: Romulus or Tenet all you want—those didn’t have to claw out of a budget hole this deep.
So, grab your popcorn and your cynicism, folks. Mickey 17 might be a wild ride on screen, but at the box office, it’s looking more like a rollercoaster with a “please wait” sign. Will it defy the odds? Or will it be another “well, we tried” footnote in sci-fi history? Place your bets—I’m rooting for chaos either way.
